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When your childbirth trainer says the word contractions, she is really referring to pain.
The further you go into labor, the more likely it is that:
1. Your car will not start.
2. The fastest and shortest route to the maternity hospital will have major road works.
3. You turn off at the wrong intersection and get lost.
4. You will drive up to a railway crossing just at the minute when a long freight train will approach it, which will drag at a speed of three kilometers per hour.
5. The hospital parking lot will not have a single parking space.
6. There will be no hospital attendant in the emergency room.
7. You will not bring the necessary medical insurance papers with you.
8. Your midwife will go golfing and will be out of reach.
The further you go into labor, the longer and more complicated the hospitalization procedure and the forms to be filled out.
If having a baby was so easy, you wouldn't be dragged to the "delivery room" ... you would be taken to the "dance hall".
No matter how regular and strong the contractions are, the potential mother will be calmer than the driver who takes her to the hospital. Until the moment she gets to the hospital.
1. The stronger the pain, the less likely you are to remember at that moment even one of the breathing exercises that you were taught as a means of distraction from pain.
2. The worse the pain, the more likely you are to beg for any drug that your childbirth team told you not to take. Plus, name some of those that were not even mentioned in class.
The number of people who will check your dilation in detail (stretching of the organs, in this case, those associated with the process of childbirth) is equal to the number of people who pass by the door of the delivery room.
The process of giving birth gives rise to a specific amnesia (partial or complete memory loss, usually due to shock or trauma): the more painful the birth was, the more fun you later talk about and remember about it.
1. English mothers say: "Damn you!"
2. Irish mothers say: "Eerie creepy, really!"
3. Italian mothers say: "Mamma mia!"
4. German mothers say: "Oh, doo, mein liber!"
5. French mothers say: "Holy, holy!"
6. Jewish mothers say: "Oh, Gevalt!"
7. Norwegian mothers say: "Uffts!"
8. Spanish mothers say: "Carramba!"
9. Russian mothers say: "Damn!"
In an approximate translation, all these expressions mean approximately the same: "And how did that make me happy?"
A young mother who has just gone through a long and painful labor will cry when a nurse gives her newborn baby a shoulder shot.
After you have gone through a long and painful labor, your husband will describe the event as "a trifle" and "a trifle".