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Patients in urgent need of care are only brought in on the days when you leave your pager at home.
The day you are on duty will be a record number of calls. The most trifling requests will come the moment you:
a) sat down to eat;
b) locked themselves in the toilet;
c) just lay down for a nap.
Your mobile phone will ring exactly at the very moment when the quietest passage is performed.
You will never catch a cold from your patient until you go on vacation.
Your date won't be canceled until it's too late to plan anything else.
An urgent business date will only fall out for a time when you have one of your favorite activities scheduled.
If the treatment of the disease is started without waiting for the test results, then the first thing will be that all tests are normal.
A window in your busy schedule will never coincide with a window in dense clouds.
The lower the patient's chances of surviving, the more expensive the treatment procedure.
A method of treatment for which no specific disease exists.
The more harmless the procedure looks, the more harmful its long-term consequences are.
The degree of correctness of the treatment is always determined by subsequent events.
1. If a mistake can creep into a medical procedure, it will definitely happen.
2. Any mistake will tend to do the most harm.
3. In any formula, all constants (especially those extracted from medical textbooks) should be considered variables.
4. The best laboratory models do not even come close to meeting the conditions encountered in real practice.
5. In the description of any treatment procedure, the most key element is most likely to be missed.
6. Manufacturers' specifications for medical device performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.
7. Traders' claims of medical device performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.
8. If several people are responsible for a calculation error, there will be no guilty parties.
9. Identical devices that have been tested in an identical manner will not behave the same in actual use.
10. Even if, on the basis of medical practice, the value of the necessary safety factor has been established empirically, some ingenious fool will quickly come up with a method how to exceed this safety factor.
If you didn’t succeed the first time, rewrite your entire medical history anew.
Never allow a patient to read their own medical history.
If your treatment is failing, look for a symptom you didn't think was important.
The first time you screw up a colonoscopy (a very painful and unpleasant examination of the colon), your patient is a lawyer.
In the absence of opposing knowledge, every patient is curable.
There is not a cure for every disease.